So, I got this weird idea a while back about ‘Garfield coffee’. Dunno why, maybe saw an old comic strip or something, and thought, what kind of coffee would that lazy cat actually drink? It kinda stuck in my head.
Getting Started – The ‘Brilliant’ Idea
I figured, hey, I like coffee, I remember Garfield, maybe I can try and figure out what a ‘Garfield coffee’ would taste like. Seemed like a fun little project, you know? Something different. My first thought was it had to be strong. Like, really strong. Wake-you-up-on-a-Monday strong. Garfield hates Mondays, right?
So I went out and bought a few different kinds of beans.
- Some really dark roast, almost burnt stuff.
- Some cheaper robusta beans, ’cause Garfield seems kinda cheap sometimes?
- Even thought about adding chicory, for that old-school, maybe slightly bitter edge.
I started mixing them. Felt like some kinda mad scientist in my kitchen. Got coffee grounds everywhere. It was a mess.
The Tasting – Mostly Bad
Okay, the results? Mostly bad. Really bad, actually. One batch tasted like hot dirt. Another was so bitter it made my face scrunch up. I tried making it smoother, thinking maybe Garfield secretly likes comfort, but that just felt wrong. It wasn’t punchy enough.
I kept thinking about his orange fur. Maybe something with orange? I tried adding a tiny bit of orange zest to the brew. Nope. Tasted like weird, citrusy sludge. Then I thought about lasagna, his favourite food. How do you make coffee like lasagna? Layers? Different beans layered in the filter? Tried that too. Still tasted like… well, just bad coffee.
I was getting pretty frustrated. Spent a few weekends on this, making tiny pots of frankly awful coffee. My kitchen constantly smelled like stale experiments.
The Big Realization
Then it kinda hit me. I was totally overthinking it. Garfield wouldn’t make coffee. He wouldn’t care about the beans, the roast, the subtle notes of citrus or whatever. He’s lazy! He hates effort!
The perfect ‘Garfield coffee’ isn’t some special blend I create. It’s probably just whatever coffee is available, made by someone else (Jon, probably), and delivered straight to him, ideally while he’s still half-asleep. The stronger and more jolting, the better, to combat that Monday morning feeling he hates so much.
It’s not about the coffee itself, it’s about the attitude. It’s the demand for caffeine with minimum personal effort. Strong, black, and maybe served in a ridiculously oversized mug. That felt way more ‘Garfield’ than any weird blend I could come up with.
So yeah, my whole ‘Garfield coffee’ experiment was kind of a bust in terms of creating a new drink. But it was funny realizing the answer wasn’t in the beans, but in the sheer laziness of it all. Sometimes the simple answer is the right one, I guess. Now I just drink my normal coffee and appreciate not having to experiment with dirt-flavoured brews anymore.
